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 I can pretend to others that I am ok.
That I am smiling,
that I can smile in the midst of every single thing happening. . .
But, I can never fool myself,
and I can never hide the tears from HIM above.
So, with all the pain, sadness, and emptiness I felt that day, I locked myself inside the room and poured out eveything I feel to HIM. Being able to say all that is inside me, being able to shout all I wanted to say in silence. Asking HIM same questions, "Why? Why? Why?". And then, I just asked HIM to take the pain away at this very moment, take the tears away. Then I closed my eyes. . .
After a few minutes, I opened my eyes again. Then I saw photos scattered on the floor because I wasn't able to fix and keep them the other day when I was making some photo arts. A single photo struck me and this photo made me realize so many things in my life. This was my own photo taken during my 1st birthday. And there was a note behind it that says,
" Bing, this is Carla on her first birthday, cute isn't she?
Well that's how she laughs when you smile at her. Ellen ".
(Then I remembered, Tita Ellen did actually gave this photo to Tita Bing, and I asked this photo from Tita Bing when I was still in Davao.)
And after reading that, all I felt were tears falling again on my face, but this time these were tears of joy. Joy of realizations. Joy of Our Father's unconditional and unending love. I was overwhelmed! And I remembered this one passage form the bible which says, " If God took care of you before, He will take care of you now. He is the same yestaerday, today, and forever. " So I said to myelf, " I am His child. " Then, I saw myself smiling again. Like that little girl in the photo, so happy holding that balloon on her hand, standing firm and strong, being able to laugh because God is always with her. God moves in mysterious ways indeed.
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